On Driving (a.k.a. I Fucking Hate You, American Drivers)

If you've ever followed me on an unspecified forums "Venting Anger" thread, you'd know that I rarely every rage against anything. Except driving. Because goddammit you stupid motherfuckers need to get out of my fucking way or at least drive with some semblance of intellegence. Now, don't get me wrong, not everyone out there is a moron, and I'm not the end all, be all driver, but there are enough people out there with no idea of what they're doing in such a large, expensive piece of equipment that I feel it's my civic duty to vent about it on the internet. It's what the Jesus would have done.

First things first though, and why, exactly, am I so mad at all these "innocent" people on the road? Mostly it's because they have forgetten what they're out there for, the main reason being DRIVING. Yes, that's right, you got in your car to go somewhere in a timely fashion, saving you the trouble of walking however many miles because we've moved on in the world. However, some people have forgotten this. The car, to them, is a social place, a place to have conversations with the people riding with them or on the phone. Nevermind that a car is a very complex machine, nevermind that the traffic system has been worked out for cars moving at certain speeds or even expectations of certain speeds, these people need to emphatically finish whatever it is they're talking about before proceeding to push their gas pedal down. That's not even counting the people busy doing something else, from lighting a cigarette to eating, that are too preoccupied in their own world to be considerate of the people around them. I know, it's easy to fall back into doing other things while moving, changing the radio station, seeing who's calling, wondering what that spot on the carpet in the passenger seat is, I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it, but it's really not appropriate behavior while in a moving, massive vehicle. It's dangerous, yo.

Let's now take the first person at the stoplight. You, sir or madam, are the MOST IMPORTANT person in your lane. You dictate the action of all the cars behind you. You are an ambassador of driving for Yourlania to the people from Theotherlania, which also helps dictate the actions of the people of Behindyourfuckingcarvia. So, you see, you have a very important job in which you should be taking pride and careful attention to detail. This means that when the light turns green and you sit there, oblivous to the fact that other people are depending on you doing your job in a timely fashion, you're not only failing yourself but EVERYONE AROUND YOU. You are a disgrace to your job and yourself. Pay a-fucking-ttention. Now, this doesn't mean jam on your accelerator like a mad person everytime the light turns green. No, a steady acceleration is fine, however the wait until the light turns, register, press, realize it's ok, press a bit harder, double check the cross lights are read, realize it's ok, and press harder until you finally start moving across the goddamn intersection is not an acceptable method of moving forward.

Speaking of intersections, I do realize that most people driving nowdays have forgotten what it is to cross an intersection on foot. Designers, realizing that not everyone has cars, decided to help not only the people walking, but people who want to turn right on red and would like to see to their left. They put in what is commonly referred to as a "cross-walk", which you can see as you pull up to the intersection as broad white lines that go from one side of the street to the other. A common misconception is that if you pull all the way up to the far one, that is the one closest to the middle of the street, you will get there faster or the light will change in honor of you being closer to it than anyone else. This is false. In fact, the only thing you're doing is making it harder for people to cross where they're supposed to be crossing, and making it completely impossible for people to see if anyone is coming before they turn without getting themselves hit in the process. Besides that, ninety percent of cars I see do this are the last to actually leave the intersection. So, next time you want to get a jump on being the first across the way, why not hang back and watch the light.

Now for you cell phone people, and I have a whole other post coming for why I hate you specifically, but for now I'll concentrate on the driving part of my hate for you. I, for one, don't understand this fascination with being able to talk to people all the time. Especially when it distracts you from other things, such as making a transaction at a store without being considered a rude asshole that wants everyone to know that you're buying chicken pot pies, to not being able to see that car that's coming and reacting quickly enough to not get hit, to being able to make a right turn without taking your hand off the wheel four times to turn your steering wheel far enough to actually make the goddamn turn. Actually, I can't talk about cell phones for an individual reason, they just make me so goddamn angry. I'll move on.

School zones are there to help you slow down and keep an eye out for kids going to/coming home from school. They are generally identifiable by the large flashing yellow light over the big sign that says SCHOOL ZONE. This means slow down to 20 mph and keep an eye out for children. Besides school zones, residential areas, and alleys you should not be going 20 miles an hour. Going fast is not the only way you can be dangerous to other drivers on the road. Going too slow, impeding the way, and not being seen until the last second by someone going twenty miles an hour faster than you can be just as dangerous as going twenty miles an hour faster than someone and slamming in the back of a car that is going too slow for its own good.

Anyway, TL;DR Learn to fucking drive, assholes.